


Morning Coffee

by Elleth



Series: Ladies Bingo 2017 [4]
Category: Stand Still Stay Silent
Genre: Character Study, Dialogue Heavy, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-09
Updated: 2017-12-09
Packaged: 2019-02-12 16:09:22
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,077
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12963180
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Elleth/pseuds/Elleth
Summary: Taru and Siv sit down for a talk when Siv tries to uphold morale after the loss of contact with the team.





	Morning Coffee

**Author's Note:**

> For the "Loss of Faith" prompt on my Ladies Bingo card, as per a suggestion by ninethousandbees on tumblr. Mostly written before Sigrun met her despair event horizon, or I might have filled this particular square differently.

"You… can't lose something you never had in the first place," Siv said slowly, stirring a carefully measured spoonful of honey into her chamomile tea at the kitchen table. Light filtered through the window, bright over the snow. It was a quiet moment in the morning - the children were at school, and Torbjörn and Onni had gone for a doctor's visit to make sure Onni wasn't dealing with any lasting damage after his coma, leaving the house the first time since communications with the team had broken down - and Taru intended to make the most of it. 

She still had questions about Siv's sudden change of heart.

"I take it," she said as she sat down opposite Siv with her cup of morning coffee, refusing to pity the toll it took on her hosts' budget, especially with the prospect of a small fortune ahead, "that you are familiar with the goddess you were named after? You know, Norway and Iceland still believe in the Old Gods, rather than let scepticism rule them."

"Familiar enough," Siv said with a grimace. "A name like mine, and marrying a man called Torbjörn of all names will get you your share of jokes and stories. I cut my hair the day before my wedding, out of spite," she said, licking the remnants of honey off her spoon. "Of course that drew more attention than leaving it alone."

Taru laughed. 

"I did not think you had that in you. Did someone offer to make you a cap of gold?" 

"No, I don't think they know the stories quite that well, and we had money enough back then that I wouldn't have needed it, either," she added. "And no resorting to shady schemes that might easily get our people out there killed…" she said, trailing off into a sip of tea. Taru bit back a comment about the inelegant transition between topics; Siv sighed. 

"At least now that they're out and about I don't have to uphold that cheerful attitude." 

A loud, artificial cough sounded from the radio room where Trond had set up camp. 

"We know you are spying on us, old man!" Taru called back. "You do not need to pretend not knowing Siv's cheer was all performance. We don't need your pessimism, too!" 

Trond let loose an unintelligible grumble in thick Norwegian. Even Siv's downturned mouth twitched. 

"Well," Taru said. "It would not hurt him - your husband, I mean, not Trond or Onni - to face reality for a change, instead of denying it, or at least face the possibility. I'm assuming you know what Sif-the-goddess also is venerated for, to some degree?"

"If you mean prophecy, then yes, I am aware. And…" Siv rose and, nudging her head in the general direction of the radio room, closed the door firmly," … well." She ran a hand through her hair, frazzling the rough, upswept ends of it further as she sat down again, "I am feeling a little responsible, perhaps. Call it superstition - I do! - but I can't help being certain that something terrible happened." And, quieter, she added, "I cannot help thinking that it may be my fault." 

Taru made a noise that she hoped counted as sympathetic, and swirled her coffee in its cup, glancing down as into a dark mirror, before taking a first sip. 

"The common thought in Finland is that people only have a set amount of luck in life. Talking about it, or drawing too much attention to it is a bad idea - it is bound to make people jealous of your good fortune. I do not understand how Tuuri and Onni's parents could give them their names - they are words for different types of luck. If anyone doomed them it was not you, and there are more things that are premeditated - death days, for one thing. What I mean to say is that a messenger is rarely at fault for the message they are conveying, if there is anything to your m-... _intuition_." 

Siv gave her a grateful look, presumably because she had avoided the m-word. "If there is anything to it… in the beginning - I was certain we had gotten them killed the first night, or any given night after, but that was anxiety, and a side of keeping Torbjörn's enthusiasm in check before it got too excessive. But now? I do not think Torbjörn is quite so clueless to think that that it is only the radio failing in the rustbucket we sent them out in. No need to enforce it, even if it is true - if I have some way to influence their fate, then it cannot hurt to be more positive, even if I do not _feel_ quite so confident." 

"So despite your doomsday talk you do think that they will be there when the boat arrives," Taru nodded, and with a note of deliberate caution in her voice asked, "Is that a prophecy?" 

"No. I told you, I don't have faith in the gods, if they exist in the first place." Siv's tired eyes clouded over for a moment as she fished the tea bag from her cup to squeeze it out over her spoon, and the smell of chamomile wafted through the kitchen. She laid it aside, blinked slowly, and her sight cleared again. "But if I believed that there were no point to hoping, I would not do that. It takes so much more energy than misery does." 

"So you are saying, deep down, that you are an idealist?"

Siv snorted and drank down the last little bit of tea, grimacing at the bitter dregs. "Maybe once. Now… I suppose what I want to say is that I must see it through, now. Not faith or its absence, just inevitability. Just as inevitable as life coming down around our ears if I kept up my pessimism." 

Taru drained the rest of her coffee and set the cup down on the saucer. She could do with another, but knew she'd be annoyed with herself later if it became a craving and there was nothing left. "That is fair. If nothing else, it gets the job done, one way or another." 

"One way or another. That is something you cannot lose faith in, at least." Siv nodded, rose, and cleared away the evidence of their break, and as she did, Taru couldn't help thinking that she maybe pulled herself a little straighter than her usual defeated slump. 

It was something.


End file.
